Alrighht. So Matt, keept bringing up his ex girlfriend, and it was driving me crazy so I told him to just stop, So we got into an arguement, I was upset, and I didn't want to talk to him, So I just kept busy on the computer, So then once opologising on the enternet didn't work, he called me, i lied and said I was fine, I guess he found out seeing a few hours later he was at my door step apologising. I was so suprised, I had no makeup on and I was in my pajamas =S and he still thought I looked good. Thats cute ^.^ Well, Whatever I just thought it was cute =]♥

Yeah, thats right. A BOYFRIEND. You know that guy matt? Yeah well he offitually asked me out today =]

OKay so we are at my house sitting under a tree his arm was around my waiste, and I was holding his hand kinda. So I threw grass at him, haa. *we were doing this all day and yesterday it's kinda our thing when we are at my house*And then he was geeyy and picked up dirt and shoved it in my face, I was like heeell no it is so on now, So I threw dirt back at him, and got all of the dirt off of me, and out from my shirt. So his friend left, And I layed down and he was like are you mad at me? I was like yes. And he was like I am sorry, and came and put his arm around me. So I turned the other way, but he is like 4565746754765467456567 times stronger than me so that didn't work. So he flipped me back towards him. Started holding my hand. And we basicly were cuddling on my front lawn. =] Then he kissed me. :) that made me really happy.

So then I was asking him about my friend nick. And he was like, do you still have any feelings for him what so ever? And I was like not at all, and he said you sure? I said fersure, and then he was like well, then will you go out with me? I was like cheaa.

=] he is awsome, seriously, I think we will work out just fine. He is in 11th grade, So he will be in my school =] and, He comes over basicly like everyday. =DI am not taking things slow but I am not moving to fast. And I am going to keep my promise that I made even before we started dating, that no matter what we will talk about something if it is bothering either one of us, with full honesty. =]I believe that this relationship has a good backbone. (good stucture) So I don't have a dought in my mind =]

I am getting to know this boy that is going to my school next year, and he is great. And the weird part is Nick the guy i USED to like, introdused us, well kinda. So we talk on AIM like everyday. It's great. He is leaving for a week and I think I might go crazy! I donno if I can handle a week with out talking to him. I guess this week I will play softball 24/7 but then it reminds me of him because he plays baseball. =S This might be harder than I though. And he likes me. =] But when he gets home from where ever he is, We are going to see that Movie called Mirrors? I havn't even seen the info comertal things. So I donno what I am in for. I hate suprises =-O

Last night I had a dream that brought me back when I was in first grade. The year I got sexually abused  by a guy in my class. I think you could call it that. He fingered me, and I was trying to stop him. And he slaped me. I woke up crying. Because it all just seemed so real. This really did happen and I can't beleave it is just catching up to me now. I was like what 7 or eight years old when that happend, And now I am 15 years old having a flash back of what happend to me 7 years ago.

All day I was thinking about why did it have to happen to me? Why did he do that. You know, It makes me feel sick that it happend to me and I just don't understand. I just want to cry. But I can't. Like it's having a broken heart you want to cry even though sometimes you can't. I just want to end everything from my past but is is just coming back to haunt me like I did something wrong. But what did I do? I guess I am the only person that can awnser that.

And the sad part is that do my parents even understand. I don't think they do, at all. I am pretty much as far away from my family as I could ever be. And they say it's because I push them away. Yeah, Okay I tried to give my dad a hug today. He wouldn't even let me. He gave my sister a hug and a kiss but when I wanted one freaking hug he wouldn't give me one. Now who is really pushing who away? And my mom called me a hoochy. Because my when I pulled down my halter top you could see my bra, So I pulled it up and she said stop influincing young children to be a hoochy like you. And I was like. Mom, I am not the one smoking at a fucking soccor camp. Which one can kill you looking like a whore or getting cancer dumbass bitch. And then she was like well I was only smoking in the car. I was like I don't give a fuck it is the point you are influincing kids younger than Sabrina's age that smoking is okay. You may not think it affects them but it does. Why do you think I started smoking a few years ago, because you made it seem like it is okay. Because you were always doing it. Luckily for me I didn't turn out like you andhave to fucking smoke 24/7 because I desided not to kill myself from fucking cancer. So before you tell me to stop setting a bad influince. YOU STOP FUCKING SETTING A BAD EXAMPLE FOR LITTLE KIDS.

Wow I got way off topic but what ever

Yeah turns out my (ex) boyfriend got drunk, And made out with his bestfriend. On my bed. I am not going to put up with that, And I didn't really cry untill today at the mall. And this happend like two days ago. But you know what. It's alright, I am okay.


Now. I just got back from the mall, and I met up with my friends Adrian, Roy, Shawn and Stephane, And one unfamilure face. =D Well his name was Christian. And boy he was very funny and atractive. And the best part is he asked me to come to his place!! To bad my mom was already at the mall to pick me up=[ Man it sucks. And HE IS GOING TO MY SCHOOL NEXT YEAR!!! Oh my gosh I can't wait. He seems really cool and I hope we stay in touch.

My cousin has found anouther "love of her life" and it is driving me insane. One day she is afraid to loose him, the next she is pissed at him, and then anouther day she is bitching that he is not a virgin. It's driving me crazy!!!! Well I am happy for her. She finally found a real guy that knows what he wants in a girl not only sex. She is lucky

You know. This guy Joey, IMed me and we started talking about the whole Marcus thing and I was like well I guess it's what I get for being ugly, And he was like your not ugly. If we were going out I would never cheat on you. Damn, to bad he is going to wilcox next year =[ I am going to miss him.

Well I am going to get off this thing. Tata

Yes, Thats right. I was on Vampire freaks and on your login page it shows you new users. At first she seemed really cool. But then as I went on her page, pictures or her hairy vag came up. Okay for one learn to shave that jungle. And two she is way to young to be revealing herself to THE WHOLE WORLD. Seriously, and people wonder why these forty year old men rape little fourteen year old girls. That is horible.

Oh yeah, If you hadn't noticed I deleted all my blogs from before because I am starting over. I don't neede any negitive in my life because it finally has gotten to where I want it. So yes I have a boyfriend. His name is Marcus. We have been friends for like ever. We were and still are best friends and it feels so great to finally have someone that doesn't want to change me in any way. He is great. I mean I couldn't see these summer nights with out him. He has been practicly living with me this summer. I love it. We cuddle and just are happy. I don't even think about anything in my past when I am with him and it is great.

Man, So much has happend these past months I can't even begin to explain. Well call me crazy but I might be going up to dudley town and it is haunted and stuff. I can't wait. I kinda need a good scare. And the other day I went up to this haunted mental hospital in Meriden and I kinda saw this figure in the window but it may have been my imagination.